Now That I'm a Momma...

From a recent trip to San Fran with only my sweet husband. Max was with Grammy.

I spend a lot of time talking about how Max has changed over these last 15 months of life, but only occasionally do I dwell on the effects that his life has had on me. Namely, how I've changed... I was unprepared for many of these things, and now sound like an "old pro" when I say things like, "You will never learn these things from a book," and "You learn as you go along." Only, I'm not a pro, I'm only beginning.

As one who has survived a full year of motherhood, here are a few of the things, some silly, that I have discovered about myself...

• I have mom ears. And they can hear Max whisper in a wind tunnel. Joaquin thinks it is a super-power.
• I know how to play like a little boy wants to play. With trucks and making loud noises, building things designed only for destruction, bouncing on couches, and playing "rough."
• I can buy time with Max by offering him a hand-full of bread pieces to eat.
• I can and do take opportunity to rest when he naps.
• I can be satisfied at the end of the day having done hardly one thing off my mental "to-do" list knowing that my little guy was well cared for.
• Making plans for the day has become easier. Of course, Max being older and more independent helps with that. But in the beginning, I struggled so much with the endless amount of decisions that must be made at every other moment. I just wanted someone to tell me exactly what to do. I find it easier to juggle these decisions, though I'm still working on priorities.
• I am not an island. The support from other moms, and from family is essential to my mental well-being on those hard days.
• And following that, or perhaps it should precede it: I need my husband. His love, provision, encouragement, and offering a helping hand is like water for my soul. I really cannot do this momma thang without him. Period.
• At the end of a day I can struggle to find anything to talk about other than what Max did and said when... *sigh* I vowed to never be this woman.
• Following suit, I am humbled. Daily, sometime hourly. The helpless and vulnerable feelings that accompanies motherhood somedays can really put a gal in her place.
• I finally feel like a woman. That sounds weird I know, but I don't know how else to describe it. Having a child made me a woman. It has stretched me and grown me and shaped me in a way that nothing else has. Prior to Max, I felt like a girl that played house with her charming new husband.
• I am less concerned with messes, and enjoy watching my boy explore the world around him. If that means that I have to sweep it up, or put every item back in the diaper bag for the third time today, than so be it. I want to foster his curiosity or love of learning how things work. And it is easier than I thought it would be, to sacrifice a neat and orderly home for this.
• I will never "arrive." And what I mean by that is, I have become more flexible. You must learn as a mom that when you think you and baby have mastered something, like eating or a sleep schedule, it can quickly change the next week. If you accept this readily, you will be saved hours of frustration.
• I can take immense joy from seemingly ridiculous events. For example: "He pooped!--Ohhh, GOOD BOY!"or, "He finished eating the ENTIRE cheesestick!" or, "He napped for three hours today!!"
• I have experienced the ability to love deeply, sweetly, extravagantly, without limits in a way that only a parent loving one's child can. My heart has grown, and somedays feels fit to burst. And I am amazed at how God loves us in this way. I understand a bit more of His love for us. And again I am humbled. And oh, the sacrifice!

I will hopefully post again soon about Max, and our wonderful new home. Both have had many changes as well in the past couple months!