Staying

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is leaving this place. We love it here in So Cal. Its sunny and bright, saturated with light. Light from both the sun and light from THE Son. We have an awesome church, many family and friends, an amazing small group, and close proximity to places that people only dream of vacationing to. Because of the influence of both Biola and Talbot, there are many very good Bible-centered churches here. I would venture to say that everyone in our surrounding area has access to the Truth of the Gospel. This is not the case for many other places in the world. And lately, that has been heavy on my heart. So it seems obvious that we should go. Many graduating from these schools do not go. Some get drawn in by the comfort offered by this place. I heard a stat say that something like 50% of people that graduate from Talbot, one of the best seminaries in the US, end up staying here within a ten to twenty mile radius. I'm not saying that no one should stay, because God has obviously called some here to very effective ministry. I'm just saying that more should be going. I wonder what else there is that keeps them here. I saw perhaps a glimpse of it two nights ago.

Joaquin and I had been talking for several hours about the future and where we were headed. The plans that we are holding up to God are both equally as exciting and terrifying to my timid heart. And through tears I told Joaquin that I was afraid... afraid of holding him back. My husband has the potential to do great things for God (as do I, I know this). He has been gifted by God in so many areas. His love for truth and his heart that the those that do not know the One True God is inspiring. And along with all these qualities he loves me. Girl, does he love me. Timid, and some days fruitless, stubborn little me. He sees things in me that I do not see myself, he encourages me to move forward and to be freed from fear, and I need him so very much, desperately some days. I'm thankful to God for my husband, God knows just what I need. Joaquin desires more than most things, to make me happy, as I imagine most husbands do. With his heart full of love, I believe that my man might swim an ocean full of sharks if it would bring me deep joy. The realization of that caused me to pause two nights ago. In response to my tearful confession that I fear holding him back, Joaquin answered his true straight-shooting form, "Yes you can... So then, DON'T."

Those of us who are wives have such a great responsibility to our husbands and to God. I, for one, do not want to fall in the camp of wives who hold their men back out of fear of the unknown. I want to encourage him to dream big for the Lord, and to not squelch his passion and desire to do things and go places that most people see as crazy. And folks, I can tell you that my heart is grateful because at least we aren't headed to Egypt (Lord willing!). I keep reminding myself of this fact. Because that is where Joaquin may have been going had he not met me. :) I am so thankful that his heart is for the Lord.

We don't know the when and the where yet, but we trust that God will open doors and make that clear in time. In the meanwhile, we are preparing ourselves to go to a more difficult and dark place. We are looking closely at our abilities, our resources, reading books, doing research, and counting the costs. Through the excitement of it all, there is grief mixed in. God has blessed us so richly here, and we will never forget that. And no doubt, He will continue to bless us as we go. We will have to sacrifice a lot in leaving. But isn't that the point? Those of us that call Christ "Lord" are strangers here anyways. This place is not our home, no matter how cozy we try to make it. I don't want to be so distracted with trivialities of life here that I miss the bigger picture. I am reminded to daily preach the Gospel to myself, to keep my heart on track. God sent His son, the Lord Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins, and in that act He conquered death. Through that act we are reconciled to God. Glorious! Through that act, we are given new life--freed from our sin and despair. Hallelujah! That cross that Jesus hung on could not hold him, nor could the tomb. And for that reason, we remember and celebrate this weekend.