Week 34 and Change

Good Morning, Friends! I sit here trying my best to keep my eyes open. I stayed up too late last night finishing thank-you cards aplenty. It had to be done, and I'm glad those are out in the mail, but whew! Am I tired. I groaned and moaned this morning as the alarm went off. Thanks to Joaquin's new later schedule, he is now around to help push me out of bed. Literally. I need assistance. I throw one leg up in the air and out to try to help the cause, and Joaquin gets behind me to shove, with a laugh. What a lovely sight I am at that time of day. So graceful. So lady-like and charming...

So, I have been thinking a lot about living in the present lately. Enjoying the now, not fretting over the future. I can honestly say that I am doing a pretty darn good job of it too, with a few exceptions. There is much that is uncertain about our near future. Many people ask me how I am feeling about leaving my job, and taking on the new role of "momma." I can't say that I have really processed that much yet. I just keep working like I have always done, though I often dream of Max's sweet face. I still picture myself as a fixture in this place for months to come, even though that is not the case. I tend to not grieve change until sometimes months later. And I'm thankful for that gift from God, because when it comes time for me to grieve having left my wonderful job with its wonderful people, I'm sure I will be wildly in love with my little baby boy and very happy. These are good things.

I remember when I decided to make the bold and daring move to pack up my life in Salem, OR, and move to sunny So Cal (without never having visited). It was not a decision made on the fly. I had been counting the costs and putting out feelers long before I had graduated from college the year prior. Without a job in So Cal to count on, but with some faith and money saved, and a gracious friend willing to risk taking me in as a roommate... I said goodbye to Salem as if I were leaving on a weekend trip and would see them all on Monday. I moved the majority of my precious belongings into my grandmother's garage in Nor Cal, packed my Saturn 'til it was bursting, and sped down the 5, with my sunroof open, in search of adventure and change. Within days of arriving to my new home, I was convinced to buy an annual pass to Disneyland by new friends. I spent weeks laying on the Newport Beach, with a good book and journal at my side, until my bliss was interrupted, timely enough, by full-time employment. It was not until months after leaving Salem-town that my heart ached for my friends there; for the wide open green spaces, for quaint coffee shops, old familiar bookstores, and for fresh Oregon air. I sometimes dreamed of returning. My favorite redhead would send me mls listings of charming blue cottages for sale in downtown. I swooned and I sighed and counted my savings... but soon enough my heart was truly captured by this place, these people. So, all that said, I'm certain that come April 1, after my desk here is cleared of my personal things, I will say goodbye like I plan to see everyone on Monday. And come Monday, it will feel like I'm on vacation. And that is how I deal with change.