I can literally hear a clock ticking. Time is racing by faster than I can keep up with. I am really missing good energy levels these days! We can hardly believe that I am at 36 weeks. 37 weeks is considered "full-term" and that makes us a bit crazy to think about. I sometimes like to remind Joaquin how far we are just to watch his eyes grow wide and make him laugh. Technically, we are ready and have what we need and are much more prepared emotionally and mentally for what is to come. But baby cannot come too soon, as Joaquin is preaching a new and important series this entire month. The due date is February 5. If Isaiah comes on Jan 29, we will be just fine :). Max was a week early.... hmmm. So, we wait and I kinda try to ignore that sound of the clock ticking.
Not up until this week have I started to grieve a little.... You know, the changes that will take place in our home and family. I am very excited too, but changes like this require a little grieving I think. Life will never be the same.The simplicity of only having one child to care for and think about will be our past. As much as I fully believe that in giving Max a sibling we are gifting him richly, a part of me hurts thinking that he may not be able to understand and will feel left out or neglected for a time. Good thing is, he will likely not remember it at all... because really, how far back can you recall of your childhood? But oh, how I love that Max a ridiculous amount. I want to protect him from any hurt, even if maybe I shouldn't, because not all hurt is for bad. So, I am mourning a little for the loss of our sweet family of three. I am praying that the Lord grows my energy to match my love for the three guys in my life. And OH, how I fear the lack of sleep. I literally tremble at the thought of those looooooong nights, baby screaming, and me going out of my mind. There are not too many things I recall real clearly about those early weeks of Max's life... but those times where I was losing my mind, and afraid I might return my baby to the hospital... I recall those with a shudder. I am thankful that God is gracious and shows mercy, and Max is none the worse off for those nights. :)
Joaquin told me to dream big and give him a list of things that I wanted to do before Isaiah comes, and not to think of the cost. (I am always worrying about the cost). Our first off the list happened last night: a date night out to Cheesecake Factory. All I need to say is this: Fried Macaroni and Cheese. Lord, help me. And I'll say this too: Chicken Madeira. Yum Yum YUM. It had been eons since we went to that delightful eatery, and I missed it. Second on the list is in progress: finishing our office/laundry/craft room. Third on the list has yet to be scheduled, but the money is in hand: a trip for ME to Glen Ivy!! I hope to make an appt for mid January so maybe my toes will still be pretty on Isaiah's birth day :). It is getting much harder to care for them myself these days. So, my man has come thru as usual, and takes such good care of me.
We are good, very good, all in all. Max has new words every day and we are just delighted in his communication lately. I must admit, I laugh at him frequently, especially as he has taken to asking for pizza at ALL hours of the day. "eee-zza? EEEEeeeeZZAA??"... "No, sweet boy, no pizza for you today." When he does get to eat pizza it is as if he has won the lottery, he literally bounces and hums. Yes, he is his mother's child. :) And another fav of mine is when I put him to bed, I always say, "Let's go find your bears." He sleeps with two. But now he often beats me to the punch and asks with a smile and his snuggie hanging out one side of his mouth, "Bearshh? BEAR-shhh!" Which always reminds me of that SNL clip about da bears. I frequently find him copying things I do, and it makes me a little concerned at how furrowed his brow is as he "works" in the kitchen and "mops." Do I look the same way? I will have to give a better update with photos of Max soon (Mom, I have taken some!!). I will try!
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