Being Brave

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My sweet friend Jamie and I have talked a lot about being brave this year. She even blogs about here. I am really proud of her, but ultimately super amazed to watch what God is at work doing in the life of my friends. Just yesterday another friend poured out her heart about the pain and loss that she has gone thru these past few years to a small group of women. I sat and listened and cheered her on in my heart. I know it was not easy for her to tell her story, but oh, when she did, when she admitted that life was really so hard but that she could see God's love and goodness around her... You cannot help but sing praise--how He gives us such hope. How He gives us such LIFE. I am just so inspired by brave women these days, I am sure I could write a post a day about it.

Last week I did a brave thing and taught at my church's women's Bible study on John 10 about Jesus, the Good Shepherd. One of my fears in preparation for this lesson was that I would have to teach on this passage that I did not understand, like in my heart understand. I was confident that I could dissect it academically, and that I could gather teaching points regarding the text. But I wanted to REALLY understand it first. I wanted to be able to say with confidence up there in front of those ladies, that I experienced Jesus as my Good Shepherd. And wow, was He faithful to my heart cry on that accord. The love I feel from Him gives so much freedom to be whoever I am supposed to be, not getting tied up in knots over silly insecurities. The day I had to teach, there were two things that came to mind in gearing myself up to be brave. First, I recall a day in college where my friend Kim had a piano recital. I was trying to encourage her in any way I could and she declared, "What is the worst thing that could happen? If I totally mess up, it will be embarrassing, but I will be okay." And you know what? She messed up her piece that day, and as we walked back to the dorm that afternoon, her shoulders set, her head held high, she said with a wide smile, "Well, the worst thing happened, and I survived!" That little story fueled the embers of bravery in my heart, and then another brave woman I know came to mind as well. My mom. You see, the whole public speaking thing is really her thang. She is super good at it. Like most little girls who love their mothers dearly, and look up to them, I watched her carefully over the years, speaking mostly at women's events. She was poised and confident, funny and gracious. And so last Thursday, I thought a lot about my mom, and what she would do or say. :) And all in all, it turned out well. I even surprised my husband, who sat secretly in the next room listening on. While I am pleased that it went so well, I fear (again) that I will be asked back. Ha!

I really want to be a good example to my sons. I hope someday they will think of me when  gearing up to do something out of their comfort zones. But more than that, I want to be used by God. I do not want my small ideas and insecurities, and lack of vision to get in the way of what I could be doing for Him. And I'm not just talking about public speaking. I am talking about doing the hard things that require sacrifices, like loving people that I think are unlovable, and serving those who seem ungrateful, and being more concerned about what God thinks of me than what people do. I want to be more brave at making friends of my neighbors. I want to be more brave at doing things even though I may not be good at them. Kick that perfectionism to the curb. For the first time in a really long time I feel free to stretch my wings and grow a little bit. Super excited about that.