When will I be brave?

I wonder about missed opportunities, and what a posture of openness to God’s work looks like in my life. Joaquin gave a good illustration this past weekend about how most of us Christians live, with our heads down and our arms crossed, walking our own path, and failing to include God in it. I am guilty of inconsistency. I say with my mouth that I want to live in obedience; I pray asking for help to do what He desires. But my posture most days is one of being closed off, my focus is on myself and worse than that I blatantly ignore opportunities to do good. Oh yes, I am a nice person, and I go to church and a weekly Bible study, and I love to serve in the church. But what about my neighbors? What about those who are lost and do not know the freedom and the love that comes from knowing Jesus?

I got home after work before Joaquin two days ago. That is rarely the case. As I drove down the road leading to our garage, I waved and smiled at our neighbor walking her two huge dogs. She returned a warm smile. She’s often out, and I often wave and smile, and go on my way. As I parked, and got out of my car, a fleeting thought ran through my mind. “Why don’t you walk over and be friendly?” But its late and I have stuff to do, and what if it’s awkward and and and… I’m afraid. I walked to the green-lit button of our automatic garage door and punched it. As the creaky door closed, I was flooded with relief, closing myself in safely. And a familiar feeling of disappointment followed. When will I ever be brave?

I believe God is sovereign and all-powerful. I believe that He knows what was and what is, and what is to come. And in His infinite grace and mercy, He has a plan for me. me. Little, fear-filled, me. In my frailty I sometimes tremble at what that plan is, in spite of knowing with my mind that His plans are always best and that my life story is for His glory.

Joaquin told me on Monday during our prayer time together, “We may not ever live overseas (as missionaries), God may have other plans. But I want us to live in such a way that we are open to that possibility. That we would be willing to say yes if we had the opportunity.” And by we he probably meant me. If we were in a better place financially, I know that we most likely would not be living in our cozy condo. Our living situation may be quite different. I have become rooted here and the love of adventure no longer runs through my veins, as it did a few years back. And the thought of living in a culture far far away from everything familiar gives me pause. When will I ever be brave?

Last week I had a dream that we took a short-term trip with our church to the Philippines. (Michele, you and Andrew were there with us ☺). The morning after, I told Joaquin about it and his eyes lit up and he told me that that country had been on his heart a lot lately too. **tremble** Oh dear, oh me. When will I ever be brave?

I am trying to reconcile my good intentions and my knowledge of the truth, with my fears of what the future may hold, and allow God to shape my heart and my desires. Only He can do it. I cannot force a change within me, but I can posture myself to be open to the change. As Pastor Robert illustrated so well regarding our involvement in God’s work, I can run to the top of the mountain in the middle of a storm and hold a metal rod and pray to be struck by lightening. I can posture myself in such a way that I am open to His work. If you think of it, you can hold me accountable to this, and pray that I might be brave. I want to live in such a way that my actions are consistent with my theology. That I do what I know, and that I respond when I hear that still small voice.